Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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