This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
