I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
