I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
