not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
