He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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