he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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