today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
