just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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