I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
