I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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