I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
