I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
