Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
