it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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