I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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