Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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