Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
