SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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