Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
