Betty ford says i'm here all night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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