I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
