Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
