I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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