Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
