I must be too annoying 4 u.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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