I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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