at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
