Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
