just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
