im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
