Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
