ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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