he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
