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Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
