Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
