I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
