I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
