Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I will die if light touches me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
