dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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