um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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