I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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