Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
