how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
40s are totally the cure
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
