Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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