The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
