Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
