I'm jealous of your bromance
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
