umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
