if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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