We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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