New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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