dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
