She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
