dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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