Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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