Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my being single is dangerous.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
