So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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