I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
