Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
