just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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