Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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