I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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